I can tell already that it’s gonna be one of those nights again.
Crying
Sleepless
Fighting to not cut myself open again
And more so having to get up and function in the morning
I just really don’t want to be alive.
ASDGFHJKJ YSDRXTJCGBN NOOOOOOOO
I don’t know if the message didn’t send or what but you forgot to give ME your tumblr!
I hope we find each other because you are too great to lose oh god.
I’m shaking so bad I can’t even hardly sit.
It’s hard to breathe.
I haven’t eaten, haven’t slept.
I can’t stop sobbing.
The sobbing and shaking is constant.
I thought I had A pie but turns out there were 4 and 20 blackbirds baked into it.
I hate myself.
I’m bleeding and it hurts.
But it’s what I deserve.
My body is giving in to giving up.
She left me.
Oh my god.
ITS DONE.
Done on SAI with the mouse.
Jesus christ guys so far from kidding this was just… I have no idea. it’s ME if you couldnt tell haha. I still hate my work.
Two days ago my girlfriend told me bluntly that the guy she liked before me and her started dating had started talking to her again.
He misses her.
She confessed she still liked him just as much as me, we were equals. She didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want me to hate her.
I told her that I didn’t and I never could. She said she was torn between us and I took it very well as she said, not crying being happy and telling her if she wanted to leave me for him to go on ahead.
I’m nothing special in the first place.
It didn’t bug me at all at first because I had a feeling she wouldnt do it, I was happy for her and all I want is for her to be happy…Even if that means leaving me.
But now…
I guess it’s all finally hitting me and it feels like my heart is being scooped out with a huge ice cream scooper. I don’t want to lose her but I feel as though by not wanting her to leave me i’m holding her back from happiness.
I hate myself, and how much love I seem to give that is never returned the same. I keep telling everyone i’ll be okay but that couldn’t be any further from the truth, I feel sick to my stomach and that all too familiar urge telling me to “Mutilate my body” is raging in my head.
If she leaves me I guess I won’t be to surprised…I’m nothing special in the first place.